


Save Me A Place Inside The Quiet

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 9-1-1 Season 4, Eddie Diaz is Bad at Feelings (9-1-1 TV), Family Fluff, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Season/Series 04, and a bit of an idiot, but we love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-19 04:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29620914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Eddie realizes his feelings for Buck and panics. He does everything he can to push them down, afraid that admitting them out loud would make them more real, and he could lose Buck. It takes a failed date with Ana for him to realize what an idiot he's been, and he goes to Buck, hoping to make things right.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 41
Kudos: 481





	Save Me A Place Inside The Quiet

**Author's Note:**

> Set after Buck Begins. Minor references to the episode. This was supposed to be something short, but as usual, they had other ideas.
> 
> Title comes from [Work In Progress](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faSzFo0VPSU) by The Dangerous Summer

Love, a word so simple, yet at the same time so terrifying. It's big, and it's massive and sometimes if you're lucky, wonderful. Underneath all the excitement and hope is one piece of cold reality: To love someone is to lose them. 

It doesn't take Eddie long to realize that. 

He loves his dad, and then he's hardly around. Sure he's alive and breathing, but he still lost him long ago to his job and any chance at having a good relationship along with it. 

He loved Shannon, and he feels like all he ever did was lose her. First when he went off to war, then when she left him and Christopher. Then when she decided that being with him wasn't enough. That he wasn't enough. Then he lost her permanently. 

It's that last one that haunts him—having to watch her die and then tell their son that his mother was never coming home. It had taken Christopher time to come to terms with that. He would watch the door often as if he expected his mom to just walk through it. He'd cry out for her in his sleep and then ask him when mom was coming home. It broke Eddie's heart every time. 

He vowed then that he was never going to love anyone like that again. He was never going to give anyone that power to break his heart, or Christopher's. 

It takes him a long time to realize it's too late for that. It takes standing outside of a fire with Buck trapped inside to realize that he gave up his heart long ago. That it’s trapped inside that building with Buck. 

_I'm in love with him._

It's not a big moment. Not with everything else going on. It sends a jolt through him all the same. They still have a fire to put out, and Buck needs their help. He uses that new feeling to push him along, to guide him until he's at Buck's side. The words repeat inside his head, a terrifying reminder of what he has to lose. In the moment, it’s easy to pass it off as adrenaline. Buck was in danger. Of course Eddie would be thinking of him.

Afterward, when they're at the station and Buck has been given the all-clear, Eddie realizes it hadn't been just a passing feeling. All it takes is for Buck to smile at him. A familiar soft smile that always sends his stomach swooping and makes his heart skip a beat. He's felt it before but had never had words for it. He does now, and it scares the shit out of him.

He loves Buck, and Buck can never know. If he doesn't say the words out loud, if he pushes them down and ignores them, then it'll be fine. Buck will be safe. Buck won't become another person he's lost. Eddie can't let that happen. He can’t put himself, or Christopher, through that.

So that's what he does. He ignores the feeling and the voice in his head telling him he needs to tell Buck. That Buck deserves to know. 

And that's the worst part. He knows that voice is right. If anyone deserves to know how damn loved he is, it's Buck. He deserves to hear the words and never have to question that he’s loved and wanted. But Eddie's too gripped by fear to do it. 

He tries to tell himself it's better this way. One day Buck will find someone that can give him their heart completely. He'll get the love he deserves. 

The thought makes his heart ache, knowing that one day Buck will be with someone else. But it's the way it has to be.

And Eddie is fine with it.

He is. 

To prove just how fine with everything he is, and as a way to force his feelings down, he decides the only way he can get over Buck is to move on. Or at least do enough to convince himself he is. So he asks Ana out on a date. 

It's not necessarily logical, he knows. But it's a way of distracting himself. Of getting himself to move on. To stop himself from doing something reckless like racing to Buck’s and telling him exactly how he feels.

He spends most of the date talking about Christopher, their common ground. It's nice, and Ana is lovely, but even as Eddie sits across from her at dinner, he knows there's no spark there. Which is good. He wasn't doing this in hopes of finding some long-term commitment—quite the opposite. 

If anything, after this he can at least say he tried, and dating just isn't in the cards for him. 

_Because you're trying to date the wrong person,_ a voice that sounds a little too much like Hen whispers in his head. 

Great. Now he's going crazy and hearing voices. 

"Do you want to come by for a drink?" Eddie asks Ana as their night starts to end. The question comes before Eddie really has a chance to think it through. 

Ana raises an eyebrow, "That's presumptuous of you."

Eddie's eyes widen, and he hurries to explain himself. "That's not… I wasn't asking for… it's just Christopher isn't home tonight, and I realize that's not helping my case but…"

"You don't want to be alone right now," Ana guesses.

Eddie nods, "Yeah. Normally I'd invite Buck over but…" He clears his throat. Damn it. That’s the whole reason he doesn’t want to be alone. He doesn’t want to get too in his head about Buck.

"You don't have to explain yourself," Ana tells him. "A glass of wine would be nice."

It all seems fine. Until Eddie's standing alone in his kitchen with Ana. He realizes he has no idea what he's doing. He's never really dated, before or after Shannon. His experience here is limited. But he knows it feels different. 

There's none of the comfort he feels when he's here with Buck. And he really needs to stop comparing everything that's happening tonight to his experience with Buck. 

Buck's his best friend. Of course dating someone isn't going to make him feel like that. But he knows that's not all it is. 

Eddie's almost relieved when a knock sounds at the door. He gives Ana a tight smile as he hands her the bottle of wine he'd been awkwardly holding. "Glasses are in the cabinet next to the microwave if you want to…"

She nods, "I got it."

Eddie tries to shake some of the tension from his body as he walks down the hall to the front door. Another knock sounds just as Eddie's reaching it. He opens it and freezes when he sees who's standing outside. He wonders for a moment if this is just some trick his subconscious came up with to mock him further. But no, the man looks real enough. And he’s looking at Eddie expectantly. "Buck?"

"Hey man," Buck says, walking past Eddie into the house. Eddie opens his mouth, but before he can speak, warn him that they're not alone, Buck is talking again. "I'm glad you're here.”

“Buck…”

“I need to tell you… something."

Buck's face clouds, and Eddie frowns. "Buck?"

"Um… I didn't know you had company."

Eddie glances behind him to see Ana standing there, two now half-full wine glasses in hand. She sets them aside and smiles at Buck. "You must be Buck. I'm Ana. I've heard a lot about you."

"Yeah. Yeah, I am," Buck says. He looks to Eddie in confusion and then back at Ana with a smile. Eddie knows Buck well enough to know it’s forced. He hates it. He wants to soothe out the creases in his forehead and tell him this isn’t what he’s thinking. But just stands frozen. "And I'm clearly interrupting something."

"You're fine," Eddie says. Sure, Eddie had been about to have a drink. But something is clearly bothering Buck. He's not about to chase him off. He ignores Ana's raised eyebrow and focuses on Buck. "You said you needed to tell me something?"

Buck looks behind Eddie at where Ana is standing and shakes his head. "No, I uh... it's not important." A beat of silence. "Seems like I'm too late anyway," he mutters. 

Eddie's brows pinch and his heart beats heavily in his chest. "What?"

"Nothing," Buck quickly replies. "I'll see you later. Enjoy your night."

"Buck…"

He leaves Eddie standing there confused. Even as Eddie calls after him. The door shuts, and Eddie sighs, running a hand down his face. What the hell had just happened?

"So are we going to talk about it?" Ana asks. 

"About what?"

"That awkward tension between you and Buck."

"There wasn't any awkward tension."

Ana laughs, "Eddie, come on. It's obvious he has feelings for you." Eddie's stomach drops. "And I think he's not alone in that."

Shit. He really has been that obvious, hasn’t he? Not that it matters. It doesn’t change anything.

"I can't," Eddie whispers. 

"Why not?"

"Because I might lose him."

"Seems like that could happen anyway if you're not honest."

"You really want to talk to me about this when we're on a date?" Eddie asks. 

Ana shrugs, "A date where you spent most of it talking about Buck."

"I didn't…"

"You did," Ana presses. "Him and Christopher. Which I get. I do. They're both big parts of your life. But I think you need to be a little more honest with yourself about the role Buck plays."

Eddie has thought about it. So many times. He's imagined a life with Buck. Even before he realized how he felt about him. Every time he envisions the future, Buck is there. For all the holidays and birthdays and Christopher’s graduation, and all the smaller moments in between. He’s always by Eddie’s side through everything.

_Seems like that could happen anyway if you're not honest._

The thought knocks the breath out of Eddie. This whole time Eddie's been too focused on the more permanent loss. On how much it would destroy Eddie if they took and chance and something happened to Buck. He'd failed to take into account the other ways he could lose Buck. Ana's right. If he's not honest with Buck, he could lose him. 

He runs to the door and grabs his keys and wallet before turning to Ana. "I'm sorry, but I need to…"

"Go to him," Ana says, smiling gently. "Though, you might want to wear some shoes."

Eddie looks down at his socked feet and laughs. Right. Shoes. He can do shoes. He's put this same pair on at least a hundred times before without thought, but of course, tonight he struggles. It doesn’t help that his hands are shaking as he tries to put them on.

He finally gets them on and turns to Ana. "Do you need a ride home?"

She shakes her head and holds up her phone, "No. I got an Uber on the way. It should be here soon."

Eddie still doesn't like the thought of leaving her standing out here alone. "Are you…?"

"Go," Ana laughs, giving him a light push. "I'm not the one you should be worrying about right now."

Eddie only hesitates for another few seconds before running towards his truck. Ana gives him a thumbs-up as he drives away. 

His mind is racing the whole drive to Buck’s place. He wonders if he should call to let Buck know he’s coming, but he’s not sure he could get the words out. His throat is too tight. He’s gripped with fear that if he doesn’t fix this, he’s going to lose Buck. He knows Buck. He knows he’d never stop coming around just because Eddie wasn’t interested. They’re too involved in each other’s lives. And Buck would never do that to Christopher. 

Eddie really has been an idiot about this whole thing. He was an idiot to think that not being with Buck could ever make losing him hurt any less. That much is evident by the way his heart seems to have found a home in his throat as he races up the stairs to Buck’s floor, too impatient to wait for the elevator. He almost runs into one of Buck’s neighbors on his way up but doesn’t stop as he throws an apology over his shoulder.

“Go get him!” the woman calls after him.

Eddie’s steps falter for a second before he gives a breathless laugh. “Oh, I plan to.”

Whether Buck will be receptive, Eddie’s not sure. He just hopes he will be. That he didn’t miss his chance. 

Eddie stumbles to a stop outside Buck’s apartment. He looks at the door he’s stood in front of hundreds of times by now. But never like this. He has a key in his pocket, but he doesn’t use it. Instead, he raises his fist to knock. Buck’s jeep had been in the parking lot when Eddie pulled up, so he knows Buck is in there.

“Buck,” Eddie calls through the door. “Buck, I know you’re in there, and you might not want to…”

The door opens suddenly, and Buck frowns out at him. “Eddie? What…?”

Eddie moves past him into the loft. He looks around the place as if this is the first time he's been there. Of course it's not. He's stood with Buck in this same spot so many times before. But this is different, bigger. It could change everything. 

Buck takes a few hesitant steps closer. "Eddie?"

He reaches out as if to touch him, and Eddie looks at his hand with wide eyes. "You terrify me."

That hadn’t been how Eddie planned to start this conversation, but there it is.

Buck's hand stills mid-air, his face pinching in confusion. "What?"

Eddie grabs Buck's hand and steps closer. He rests their joined hands on his chest, wondering if Buck can feel the way his heart is beating fast beneath the surface. "You're someone I can lose," Eddie whispers.

"Eddie, what are you talking about?"

Eddie wishes he were better at words. He wishes he could describe all the mixed-up feelings warring inside himself and make Buck understand. 

"I love you," Eddie says. The words are quiet, but he knows by the way Buck's breath hitches, and his eyes widen that he hears him. But he also knows Buck. He knows that he'll have doubts, and Eddie can't have that. He can't have him doubting a single moment of this. So louder, he says, "I love you, Buck. So damn much that it scares me. Because loving you means I can lose you. And I can't lose another person I love, Buck. Christopher can't..."

"Eddie…"

"No, just let me…" He stops and takes a deep breath. "I realized tonight that by trying to keep my feelings down and not telling you, that I could lose you anyway."

"Figure that out on your own?" Buck teases, but Eddie can hear the way the words tremble. He's scared too. Eddie takes a little comfort in that. 

"I may have had to have it knocked into me," Eddie admits.

"Ana's a smart woman," Buck says. 

Of course he would know who Eddie was talking about. "I only went out with her because I was afraid," Eddie admits. "Which wasn't fair to either of you."

"You were trying to protect your heart," Buck says. "I get it."

"I know you do," Eddie says. It hits him that he doesn't actually know how Buck feels. He has hope. He hasn't missed the way Buck looks at him sometimes, like now, with his eyes soft and a fond smile on his lips. And Ana had said it was obvious Buck has feelings for him. But Eddie doesn’t want to make assumptions. Not about this. "When you came over, you said there was something you needed to tell me. What is it?"

Buck blinks as if he's trying to pick up on where Eddie's heading. Then his face clears, and he raises his free hand to the back of Eddie's neck. "I love you. I wanted to tell you that I love you."

"You wanted to?" Eddie says. "Did you change your mind?"

Buck rolls his eyes and pulls Eddie closer. Eddie holds his breath as Buck kisses him. It's just a quick brush of lips before he's pulling back with a smile. "Nothing could ever make me stop loving you."

There's so much Eddie should say. So many things they need to talk about. But all Eddie can do is surge forward and claim Buck's lips in another kiss. It’s hard, and a little desperate. Eddie pours everything he’s feeling into it. All his fear, his love, his hope. Because there is hope now. Underneath the fear, there’s hope that this can work out. 

“I’ve got you,” Buck murmurs against his lips. “We’re okay, Eddie.”

It takes Buck brushing his thumb under Eddie’s eyes for him to realize he’s crying. He’s not embarrassed though. Not with Buck. If there’s anyone he knows he’s safe with, it’s him. “I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t,” Buck assures him.

“You don’t know what,” Eddie whispers.

“Maybe not,” Buck says. “But I do know I’m always going to fight like hell to come home to you and Christopher. Just like I know you will.”

“Always,” Eddie says, turning his face to kiss Buck’s palm. “I’ll always fight for you. Both of you.”

“I know you will.” Buck smiles, soft and fond. “Now, come on.” Eddie frowns when he pulls back, and Buck laughs. “ _Come on_.”

“Where are we going?” Eddie asks, already following him to the door.

“To get Christopher,” Buck tells him as he slips his shoes on. “I know you must be wanting to see him. You always do after a hard day.”

Eddie’s heart swells with affection. Buck really does know him well. He walks up to Buck and wraps his arms around him in a tight hug. One Buck quickly returns. Unlike all the other times he’s hugged Buck, he doesn’t make himself pull back. He lets himself bask in the warmth and comfort of Buck’s embrace. “Thank you.”

“For what?” 

“For loving my son and me,” Eddie says. 

Buck pulls back enough for Eddie to see his face when he smiles. “Yeah, well. You make it easy.”

Eddie chuckles, “I know that’s not always true.”

Buck grins, “Maybe not _always_. But I’m this for real, Eddie. The good and the bad and everything in between.”

And isn’t that what Eddie always imagined? Buck by his side through everything. He’d been an idiot to think for a moment he couldn’t have this. 

“I love you,” Eddie says.

“I love you too,” Buck says softly. His kiss is just as soft. “Now, let’s go get Christopher before it gets too late.”

Buck rides with Eddie in his truck. It feels right to have him sitting next to him as he drives across town to get Christopher. It’s not as if they haven’t done this before. But not like this. Not when they’re…

“Are we…” Eddie trails off and bites his lip.

Buck reaches across the truck and rests a hand on Eddie’s knee. “We don’t have to put a label to it if you don’t want to.”

“And if I want to?”

Buck smiles, “Well then, I believe we’re what the kids call boyfriends. Or partners. Or companions. Or boos.”

Eddie laughs, “I think boyfriends works fine, Buck.”

“Okay then, _boyfriend._ ”

And god, Eddie really could get used to hearing Buck say that. 

There’s a long stretch of silence as they near Abuela’s house before Buck speaks again. “What are we going to tell Christopher? Not that we have to tell him anything. I just want to know what the rules are, I guess. I don’t want to kiss you in front of him and confuse him or…”

“I’ll talk to him,” Eddie says. “I don’t want to keep this from him.”

“Do you think he’ll be okay with it?” Buck asks quietly. 

Eddie parks the truck and looks up at the house. He can see Christopher inside through the crack in the curtains. He knows Chris loves Buck. But that’s Buck, his dad’s best friend. He’s not sure how he’ll feel about Buck as Eddie’s boyfriend.

It’s almost as if Christopher can sense Eddie’s presence. He turns towards the window, and a grin spreads across his lips as he starts clapping. Eddie laughs and unbuckles his seatbelt. It’s not until he has the door open and is halfway out of the truck that he remembers he never answered Buck. He turns back to look at him. “We’ll be okay.”

Buck nods, “I’ll wait here while you get him.”

Eddie leans across the truck and kisses him quickly, “I won’t be long.”

He jumps out of the truck, closes the door behind him, and then walks briskly up the sidewalk. The light comes on when he’s halfway up the walk, and he sees Christopher on the porch with his Abuela, who raises an eyebrow when she sees him. 

“I thought we wouldn’t see you until the morning.”

“Yeah, well, I missed my best man,” Eddie says, bending down to scoop Christopher up into his arms. “Hey, buddy. Have fun?”

“Yeah,” Christopher says. “We colored and watched The Lion King.”

“Wow,” Eddie says. “I can’t believe you watched the Lion King without Buck. He’s going to be so sad.”

Christopher laughs, “I can still watch it with him.” He looks behind Eddie to where Buck is sitting with him in the truck and tilts his head. “Are you and Buck getting married?”

Eddie inhales sharply and then starts to cough. He looks at Christopher. “ _What_?”

“You and Buck,” Christopher repeats. “Are you getting married?”

“Why do you ask that?” Eddie asks. He looks from Christopher to Abuela, who shakes her head with an amused smile.

“You kissed him,” Christopher says. And _oh_. Shit. Eddie hadn’t even thought about Christopher being able to see them when he’d kissed Buck before. “Molly Harkness says that people kiss when they want to get married.”

Eddie puts Christopher down and kneels in front of him, “I love Buck. A lot. And we umm… we are boyfriends now. But…”

Christopher frowns, “You don’t want to marry him?”

“I didn’t say that,” Eddie says. “We’re just um… we’re um…” 

“They’re waiting for the right moment,” Abuela says.

Christopher nods as if that makes perfect sense. Maybe it does. “Buck will still come over and play games and watch movies?”

Eddie smiles, “Of course he will. In fact, he wanted me to get you tonight, so we could do just that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says. “So what do you say? You ready to go?”

“Yeah!”

“Then let’s go,” Eddie says. He picks Christopher up again and turns to Abuela. “Thank you for watching him tonight.”

She smiles and pats his cheek, “Oh, of course. You know I love spending time with him.”

Eddie smiles and kisses her cheek, “We’ll get lunch this week.”

“We better,” she says. “And you better bring Buck with you. If you two are dating, he’s coming to all the family dinners.”

“He already does,” Eddie points out.

“Ah, but not as your boyfriend.”

“I’ll call you,” Eddie tells her. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” she says. “And you, Christopher. Keep an eye on those two and keep them out of trouble.”

“I will,” Christopher tells her.

Buck is waiting by the truck when Eddie walks up. He opens the back door and grins. “Hey, buddy.”

“Hi, Buck,” Christopher says, beaming over at him as Eddie gets him settled in his seat. “Dad said we can play games and watch movies.”

“Of course,” Buck says. “I’ve been practicing so I can beat your dad.”

Eddie shakes his head, “Yeah, I don’t think so.”

“You’ll see,” Buck winks. “I have plenty of skills you don’t know about.”

Eddie ignores the way he can feel his face heating up in favor of getting Christopher buckled in. Once he’s done, he shuts the door and turns back to Buck, who’s watching him, his face the picture of innocence. Eddie knows he’s anything but right now. 

“You behave,” he says, pointing a finger at Buck.

Buck grins and grabs Eddie’s hand. He brings it to his lips and places a lingering kiss against his knuckles. “I’m on my best behavior.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I am.”

“Get in the truck,” Eddie tells him. “I’m not about to risk scarring my son.”

Buck releases his hand and ducks his head, “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Eddie says softly. He leans in and kisses his cheek. “I didn’t say I minded it.” He glances into the truck where Christopher is waiting. He waves when he sees Eddie looking. “We just need to be careful around Christopher.”

“Got it,” Buck says. “No scarring the ten-year-old.”

“Preferably not,” Eddie laughs.

He walks around to the driver’s side while Buck climbs into the passenger’s seat. Buck and Christopher are already talking when Eddie slides in. 

“I can’t believe you watched the Lion King without me,” Buck gasps, putting a hand to his heart.

“We can watch it next time I come to your house,” Christopher tells him.

“You don’t want your dad to watch it?” Buck asks him.

“He doesn’t like it,” Christopher says. “Because it makes him cry.”

“That’s a normal response to The Lion King,” Eddie says. “It’s sad.”

“It ends happily,” Buck says.

“He still lost his father,” Eddie mumbles. 

A look of understanding flashes across Buck’s face, and he reaches out and pats Eddie’s knee. “We won’t make you watch it.”

“We can watch Oliver & Company instead,” Christopher says.

“Excellent choice,” Buck says. “A classic.”

Eddie doesn’t point out that every time they watch it, Christopher winds up wanting a cat. All that will do is put the thought in Christopher’s head. He just drives in silence while Buck and Christopher talk. When they get home, he ushers Christopher inside. “Why don’t you go get your pajamas on, buddy?”

“I thought we were watching movies,” Christopher says, frowning. 

“We are,” Eddie tells him. 

“But you gotta be comfortable,” Buck tells him. “That’s the best part about movie night.”

“But you and Dad aren’t in comfortable clothes,” Christopher points out.

“He has a point,” Eddie says. “It’s only right we all take part in this movie night tradition.”

“But I don’t…” Buck begins.

“I have some sweats you can wear,” Eddie says. “You know that. You borrow them enough.”

“Might as well just give them to me,” Buck teases.

“They’re already yours,” Eddie says. Like so many other things in this house, Eddie’s heart included.

Eddie changes first and then goes to get the TV set up while Buck and Christopher get changed. He turns at the sound of footsteps to see Christopher walking down the hall, Buck right behind him. Christopher stops suddenly, his face serious, and turns to Buck. Eddie’s worried for a moment, wondering what could make Christopher look like that. He beckons to Buck, who bends down in front of him. Christopher throws his arms around Buck’s neck and hugs him. A hug Buck quickly returns with a smile. 

“Thank you, Buck,” Christopher whispers, but Eddie still hears him.

“For what?” Buck questions.

“For making Dad smile,” Christopher says. 

Eddie feels tears stinging in his eyes as he watches them. Buck looks at him over Christopher’s shoulder, and Eddie smiles and nods. Buck pulls back so he can meet Christopher’s eyes. “I always will. He makes me smile too. And you know what?” 

“What?” 

“So do you,” Buck says.

“You make me smile too, Buck,” Christopher says.

“Alright, you two,” Eddie calls. “Come pick out a movie, and I’ll get the popcorn.”

“Popcorn!” Christopher exclaims.

“Yeah, you can’t have a movie night without popcorn,” Buck says. He stands up and follows Christopher into the room. “I’m pretty sure it’s some unspoken law you have to have popcorn with movies.”

Eddie meets him next to the couch and puts his arms around his waist. “That or we’ve just been programmed to believe that.”

“Shh,” Buck says, putting a finger to his lips. “Don’t ruin popcorn.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, “It would take more than me to ruin popcorn for you.”

“It’s true,” Buck says. “I am pretty far gone on that buttery goodness.”

“Yeah? That all you’re gone on?”

“You know it’s not,” Buck says softly. “But we also agreed to be careful.”

He raises an eyebrow and nods his head minutely towards the couch, where Christopher is sitting, scrolling through Netflix.

“Hmm true. We did.” Eddie pecks his lips, still amazed by the fact that he gets to have this now. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to kissing Buck. “I’m pretty gone on you too.”

“Where’s the popcorn?” Christopher asks them.

“I’m getting it,” Eddie says. He reluctantly pulls away from Buck, already missing his touch. He stops on his way by and speaks to where just Buck can hear him. “Make sure he doesn’t pick Oliver & Company.”

“No taste,” Buck sighs, shaking his head. 

“I just don’t want to have to tell him no about getting a cat,” Eddie mutters.

“You don’t _have_ to,” Buck says. Eddie narrows his eyes, and Buck laughs. “Fine. No Oliver. Got it.”

Eddie leaves him and goes into the kitchen. He puts the popcorn in the microwave and grabs a couple bowls, along with some beers for him and Buck and juice for Christopher. It’s strange, standing here now. It’s hard to believe only an hour ago, he was standing in this same kitchen with Ana, feeling nothing but awkward. 

While he’s thinking about it, he pulls out his phone and brings up his conversation with Ana, and types out a quick text: “I’m sorry about tonight. You were right though.”

A few seconds later, a reply comes in, “I take it things worked out with Buck?”

“They did,” Eddie sends back. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Eddie,” Ana replies. “I just pointed out the obvious.”

And that’s true. She had. But Eddie’s grateful all the same. She’d gotten through to him and made him realize just what an idiot he was being about this whole thing.

The microwave beeps, and Eddie pockets his phone. He grabs the popcorn, bowls, and drinks and pushes his way out the door. Christopher and Buck’s happy chatter filters down the hall towards him, and he smiles.

The fear is still there, lingering in the back of his mind. The worry that something could happen to Buck or Christopher. But it’s not all-consuming. It doesn’t have to be. Being scared of losing the people he loves is normal, but only as long as it doesn’t get in the way of living his life.

As he looks across the room to where Buck and Christopher are laughing on the couch, he knows he's made the right choice. He has two people he loves and that he's going to fight like hell to keep, and that makes him pretty damn lucky.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


End file.
